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Enigma · 08-30-2009, 11:12 PM

so i've been with my bf for a little over 6 months now. he's smoked pot since he was 14. he quit smoking because I told him i wasn't comfortable with my daughter being around it. his buddy came over and they got high. i am beyond angry. they went out to the shed first, but after 3 months of sobriety he decided to go get high even though he knows my feelings about it.

part of me still feels selfish though. he knows i'm angry and he's apologized and promised to try not to smoke again cuz we can't afford it and he knows how i feel about it. but i am still so angry. is that selfish?

***sTr*** · 08-30-2009, 11:17 PM

! think that even if you get angry nothing is going to change. there are much worse things then pot, at least it's not crack or heroin... or shit, meth is fucked up.... get high with him and everything will be cool....

Enigma · 08-30-2009, 11:18 PM

i work for the public school system. getting high would definitely be on the list of things they don't approve of and would fire me for. so it's not gonna happen.

***sTr*** · 08-30-2009, 11:20 PM

word, all !'m saying is that you will just be angry a lot if you get mad at him for smoking pot, ya dig.

Enigma · 08-30-2009, 11:23 PM

it's been 3 months. and he just showed me how much he respects my wishes. it pisses me off. he did say he wouldn't smoke again. but that doesn't appease me cuz i don't know if i can trust his word about it.

Grimlin · 08-30-2009, 11:24 PM

Yes and no....Going out to the shed,he was respectful for not doing it around you guys.However if you guys can't afford it right now and you are angry he blew money on pot,i can somewhat see what you are saying.

I wouldn't get too angry about it(but I'm not you).If it really bothers you,you guys need to sit down and discuss it out.I'm guessing you flat out do not want him smoking it period?

Enigma · 08-30-2009, 11:33 PM

i don't. because he was going to look for a new job because he makes less than minimum wage at his current job and we are really stressed for money. now he gets to wait another month to even begin. my biggest issue is the respect issue. i quit smoking cigarettes because we couldn't afford it and he didn't like it. i haven't gone back and started smoking again. but that doesn't make any difference when i ask him to stop smoking something that costs much more and is illegal.

Grimlin · 08-30-2009, 11:42 PM

Ahhhh see your point.

Looks like you have every right to be angry then.

XIII · 08-31-2009, 05:51 PM

You're looking out for the welfare of your kid, it's not selfish at all. Your reasons from the get-go were selfless.

Weed isn't addictive, you do it cuz you want to. He made a decision based on wants, not addiction, or needs, or anything like that.

I'm on your side 100%. I wouldn't leave him over it because pot isn't that big of a deal. But around babies, it is. Tell him he can smoke when ur kids are in college.

crys · 08-31-2009, 06:53 PM

I would flip out and he wouldn't have anywhere to live :)

Paullehh · 08-31-2009, 07:57 PM

You gotta let him smoke pot if he wants to.
Being demanding and expecting him to never do it again just because you don't like it is not cool.

You can make it clear you don't like it but getting all worked up and stressing at him isn't on.
If he's stopped for 3 months and you have been together for 6 months then he was smoking pot when you met and for the first 3 months.
Don't mean to sound harsh but if you didn't want to be with somebody who smokes pot you shouldn't have started a relationship with him.

XIII · 08-31-2009, 08:44 PM

Paullehh Wrote:You gotta let him smoke pot if he wants to.
Being demanding and expecting him to never do it again just because you don't like it is not cool.

You can make it clear you don't like it but getting all worked up and stressing at him isn't on.
If he's stopped for 3 months and you have been together for 6 months then he was smoking pot when you met and for the first 3 months.
Don't mean to sound harsh but if you didn't want to be with somebody who smokes pot you shouldn't have started a relationship with him.

I'm willing to bet she wasn't "being demanding," she probably said she doesn't want pot around the baby, and he said he'd stop to be with her. He's with her now, and all of a sudden he backs out on his half of the agreement.

Pot isn't something you go to rehab or withdraw over. Anyone could stop anytime.

Paullehh · 08-31-2009, 08:57 PM

He should be allowed to get high with his friends without needing to deal with stress about it.
Sounds like his buddy came over with some weed and he smoked with him, where is the harm in that.
It's not like he got drunk and trashed the house or anything.

I don't think he's done anything wrong, he said he would stop and he did for 3 months, maybe he realy wanted to get high with his friend?
His life would be lesser if he was not given the freedom to do this.
If he was a waster getting high day in day out and not doing anything then that would be too much but this aint the case here is it?
It's not disrespectful to get high with your friend.

Grimlin · 08-31-2009, 09:20 PM

Paullehh Wrote:He should be allowed to get high with his friends without needing to deal with stress about it.
Sounds like his buddy came over with some weed and he smoked with him, where is the harm in that.
It's not like he got drunk and trashed the house or anything.

I don't think he's done anything wrong, he said he would stop and he did for 3 months, maybe he realy wanted to get high with his friend?
His life would be lesser if he was not given the freedom to do this.
If he was a waster getting high day in day out and not doing anything then that would be too much but this aint the case here is it?
It's not disrespectful to get high with your friend.

It's disrespectful and very irresponsible specially when he's trying to find another job.It was his choice to be with Enigma in the first place knowing full well she has a kid.When you have kids around you need to make a choice to drop some bad habits or to not be with the chick who expects you to do so.

I really can't expect you to understand this.I dropped A LOT of bad habits when i had my kid.

Paullehh · 08-31-2009, 09:30 PM

Like i said in my post it would be different if he was laying around getting stoned all the time.
Having few smokes with his friend one night isn't going to effect any of that and makes no difference to him trying to change jobs whatsoever.
I think he should be allowed to get high with his friends every now and again as long as it isn't all the time.
It wasn't just his choice to be with her she chose to be with him too knowing he smoked pot.

Grimlin · 08-31-2009, 09:58 PM

Trust me,if you ever meet a girl with a kid....Run like a mother fucker....I think you are missing some key points we what we are trying to say as well.

Quote:If he's stopped for 3 months and you have been together for 6 months then he was smoking pot when you met and for the first 3 months.
Don't mean to sound harsh but if you didn't want to be with somebody who smokes pot you shouldn't have started a relationship with him.

Enigma told him she rather not have him smoke weed,she quit smoking cigarettes because he doesn't like them.Maybe Enigma doesn't like weed. He had to have agreed,otherwise he wouldn't be with enigma right now.Right?

I agree though...it goes both ways....

Paullehh · 08-31-2009, 10:08 PM

I dono if she gave him a ultimatum like "me or the pot" or anything, she never said the circumstances surrounding it.
If he's been 3 months without any then it sounds to me like he has his pot smoking well under control and is not abusing it.
I think Enigma should just be cool with him doing it with a mate every now and again, that shouldn't cause anybody any problems.

Also word @ not dating chicks with kids.
Been there done that though.

***sTr*** · 08-31-2009, 10:09 PM

word @ doing it with a mate every now and then

Grimlin · 08-31-2009, 10:16 PM

I think he needs to find a better stable job and have everything straighten out first.It is a big responsibility...he's finding that out first hand. It's all about making sacrifices right now. He can have his fun again when they get their shit together.Right now they are stressed for money and stuff....I kinda look at it as a bad timing on his part.

NEKESTRO · 09-02-2009, 08:57 PM

if you got a weedhead to not smoke for that long then he gives a shit about you fuck it let em burn

***sTr*** · 09-05-2009, 12:49 PM

word, ! think there are studies that show weed smoke isn't nearly as bad as cig smoke around kids. not that !'m saying to blow the shit into the babies face or anything.....

or am !?

Grimlin · 09-05-2009, 03:23 PM

My best friend down in Texas,his brother used to smoke weed in front of them.One time they found one of the kids in the closet rambling some crazy shit with a 12 gauge shot gun.Lucky the fucking thing wasn't loaded.

***sTr*** · 09-05-2009, 03:48 PM

! suppose it depends on the amount you smoke in front and how much... but yeah, that's a good time to realize when to stop.

Paullehh · 09-05-2009, 04:27 PM

Can't blame that shit on somebody smoking around the kid.

CrAzYT · 09-05-2009, 07:21 PM

I don't think you're selfish. You are in a trusting relationship with someone, and they did something to break your trust. That will be a temporary hurt. However, take solace in getting an apology - you'll be pissed off for a while, but eventually you will forget.

FxXxckOff · 09-05-2009, 09:17 PM

I was about to say you were wrong, but I would say i'm about 50/50..or 75/25 on your side. Only because he made you stop smoking, so, you did and he should have the same respect for you to do the same. I understand why you're angry, but really you shouldn't be for too long. I think it should show you that at least he is making an effort, 3 months is a long time to go without out of the blue. I agree that pot is NOT addictive, I myself have quit twice, both times for a year. The only reason I do it now is because I am out on my own, we can afford what we can afford, and I dunno, I like to smoke weed. Call me a bad guy. I do not EVER smoke around my son. Neither pot or cigarettes. I never let smoking get in the way of taking care of my family, etc. I guess it all depends on the guy, you should have a pretty firm grasp on what he is like. It all depends on where his priorities lay. Is he good to you? Is he good to your child? Do you see him as a provider or a slacker? Just look at the big picture...because the least you should worry about is him smokin' a bowl or two every couple months or so. I don't know your experience with weed, but it really isn't that bad, people could get into more shit being a drunk than smoking every couple months.

fghtffyrdmns · 09-07-2009, 08:22 PM

I don't think so. You quit something you liked, so why shouldn't he? Plus, the fact that even though weed is relatively harmless, it IS illegal and not a good thing to have around children.

Slacker · 09-07-2009, 11:03 PM

fghtffyrdmns Wrote:it IS illegal and not a good thing to have around children.

XxSweetBitchAssxX · 09-08-2009, 07:06 AM

Slacker, you find the best pics.

I agree 100% with Grimlin. Everything he said makes perfect sense to me. Finding a job and children (whether his or not) should be the priority in the relationship. Whether the relationship endures or not, the effects it has on the child will be lasting. Children learn what they live, thus I think it's fair for her to make rules that should not be broken around the child. And let's face it, maybe it was a one time thing, but that one time impacted his ability to land a job for the next 30 days.

***sTr*** · 09-09-2009, 10:28 AM

fake pee FTW... smoke weed everyday and still make that pay....

Enigma · 09-15-2009, 09:22 PM

i totally forgot i made this post, until STR brought it up on aim. i read everyone's input and I appreciate it, even Paulehhh's. lol. he didn't make me quit smoking ciggs. but i knew he didn't like it, so i took the initiative and quit on my own. i don't know how easy or hard it is to stop smoking pot, but i think quitting ciggs is harder.

i also haven't forbidden him from smoking pot. i just don't want it around my daughter. if he slips up every couple of months, i'm going to be angry. but i'm not going to end the relationship with him. he loves me and my daughter and he does a lot for us.

i started the relationship with him knowing full well he was a smoker. and i didn't ask him to stop until my daughter and i moved in with him. that's when it would have been around her and would have impacted her. he told me he expected me to ask him to quit and because we're always so broke he didn't mind that i asked.

that being said, he felt awful about smoking that one day. he hasn't smoked since and he said he's not going to smoke. and he also said if his friends come over he's going to make it clear that pot is not welcome here because of my daughter, who he wants to adopt as his own.

so, that being said, i know now that i wasn't being selfish. i was just angry that he broke a promise he made to me to quit. and so far he's doing great. :)

***sTr*** · 09-15-2009, 11:00 PM

she said she'd let me get high if we were dating... * feels loved *

Paullehh · 09-16-2009, 08:17 PM

Enigma Wrote:i totally forgot i made this post, until STR brought it up on aim. i read everyone's input and I appreciate it, even Paulehhh's. lol. he didn't make me quit smoking ciggs. but i knew he didn't like it, so i took the initiative and quit on my own. i don't know how easy or hard it is to stop smoking pot, but i think quitting ciggs is harder.

i also haven't forbidden him from smoking pot. i just don't want it around my daughter. if he slips up every couple of months, i'm going to be angry. but i'm not going to end the relationship with him. he loves me and my daughter and he does a lot for us.

i started the relationship with him knowing full well he was a smoker. and i didn't ask him to stop until my daughter and i moved in with him. that's when it would have been around her and would have impacted her. he told me he expected me to ask him to quit and because we're always so broke he didn't mind that i asked.

that being said, he felt awful about smoking that one day. he hasn't smoked since and he said he's not going to smoke. and he also said if his friends come over he's going to make it clear that pot is not welcome here because of my daughter, who he wants to adopt as his own.

so, that being said, i know now that i wasn't being selfish. i was just angry that he broke a promise he made to me to quit. and so far he's doing great. :)

You make much more sense when not angry.
[Image: 23r5o5t.jpg]

Enigma · 09-16-2009, 08:48 PM

most people are more easily understood when they're level headed.

***sTr*** · 09-16-2009, 08:50 PM

fuck that.

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