What do you do when your ready to just give up

[LuckyNumbrXIII]

莟莟莟 Wrote:bajaj This kid aint even worth my time on explaining shit. But let me state one thing, 2 years of your "problems" don't amount to 14 years of pain and suffering that I've been through.

But anyways, I'm not looking for the easy way out, I don't want to do that, but sometimes it seems like the best way to stop everything. Its like, I don't hear voices don't get me wrong, satan aint in my head, but my mind argues with itself, I constently have this chatter inside my head that just never shuts up. Constently I have this back and forth fight for control, this split personality and neither side can gain control.

I have night terrors, dreams of dying, dreams that are so vivid that I wake up in pools of sweat and Im shaking uncontrolably. This shti aint no joke. Its nothing fucking fun and its nothign to brag about, I dont even speak upon it cause most people think its just a joke or a fucking stab at getting attention. Then on top of that I just got the daily life problems, no job, nothign fucking goes right, bouncing around house to house with no steady or controlably life. I can't function around large groups, I freak out in the grocery stores I fucking can't get a job fucking no where in this shit hole town I cant fucking do anything right, my family has abandoned me, I have nobody to turn to. I have nothing, then I got the shit with my stupid fucking ex. That shit just ices the cake, I wanted to start a family of my own and be fucking happy for once but its impossible cause my actually family not only fucking had fun making sure I had a shitty life growing up but yet they want to make sure they can fucking ruin even more of my life by causing more problems with me and just breaking me down more.

and this isn't even the tip of the ice berg, this is just a quick break down.

I just read this, and seriously, this was me from about the age of 18 til about 26. The doctor told me that anxiety is part of the male's brain development. Mix that with the pressure of finding yourself, fear of failure, etc.... It's a lot. I won't dismiss your problems, because they're still there whether we tell you they matter or not.

Basically the way I looked at it was... I need to start living in the world, rather than living in my mind. I'd be very conscious of how I was feeling, and then anxiety would snowball. I've been to the ER only to be told that if I don't go to a psychiatrist, then next time they were going to put me in the psyche ward.

I've had the night terrors, I've had the anxiety attacks. I dunno how severe yours are, but just know you're not totally alone. The world isn't kind. Don't ever give up. Think of positive things in your life. Even if it's something as stupid as how much you like music. Or drawing. Or a certain food you like. And live with that. If you can't keep a job or a house... save some money up, buy a molester van and a mattress and travel the country.

If you can't even afford that, maybe start exercising. Give yourself achievable goals, then accomplish them. Then before you know it, all that shit you thought you couldn't do, you start doing it.

Again, I know this is all easier said than done, and even now as I feel like I've become more positively-charged... I still often feel myself fight anger and anxiety. It's normal, you just can't dwell on it.